Maybe I Should Just Date My Car?

i’d get home
from a long day at work
shave, and shower
quickly
then hit the road.

the first part of
the drive
was always my favorite:

music turned way up
the bass thumping my legs
reverberating in my chest
the windows rolled down (or)
no music but the hiss and thud
of wind punching my eardrums (or)
music, loud, with the windows up
(or) no music, windows up

any number of variations, but
always that same
heady
feeling of freedom:
having
something to do
someplace to go
someone waiting for me on
the other side.
an escape from the loneliness of my room.

it took
about 40-45 minutes to get to
her house from mine and
the closer i got
the further i’d feel from that
original
excitement.

eventually, stones would gather
in the pit of my
stomach:
dread uncertainty dizziness.
a feeling of literal physical
sickness.
happened every time.

what the hell? i’d ask myself.
do you want this or not?

(i still don’t know the answer.)

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